Reciprocity

Who knew,
That
Your Theories of love
Give, receive, reciprocate
(my skepticism)
Were a precursor to
An entire study
Theories and theories and theories
Of Mauss and of gift exchange
Let’s take a walk in Ambondromifehy
If I sell you my sapphires
Will you pay me back?
(its only potential)
Or book it.
( I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t)
But there is still that slight potential that this is a grift exchange;
Coerce me, and coo me and cuddle me
And I’ll be yours,
Head first, sunken in
(dedicated and so incredibly submerged)


When I was in my anthro gift exchange class the other day we were talking about giving/receiving/reciprocating gifts, I mean this is something we pretty much address EVERY class: Gifts are not about items, they are about people and relationships, you give a gift to signal the wanting to initiate a relationship, the person receives it, and if they agree to the relationship they reciprocate with another gift, and the cycle goes on and on and one as long as the relationship continues, as soon as the gift giving stops, it signals a wanting to end the relationship. I was in class and suddenly a light bulb went off in my head, "WHAT!!!", so it seemes like the principles of reciprocity are quite alike to a certain theory about love someone special outlined to me during the summer. I flipped out, WISE WORDS! Who'd think that some kid's words on something quite big could measure up to those of some big anthropologists, I'm dating quite the theorist.

But love... big bad (romantic) love... I don't even know where to begin tackling the subject. More and more word is beginning to scare me. I perceive it as...this might be a little skewed but...Really depending on someone scares me, losing myself and having less control over the way I feel, the possibility of getting my self into a situation where I'm vulnerable and have no control--that scares me a lot. Talk to me eight months ago and I would have said I don't believe in love, talk to be six months ago, I'd have said the same thing, four months ago, the same. I mean lets deconstruct the word, and really, what does it mean anyway?



so to sum this all up LOVE IS: ATTRACTION, ATTACHMENT, LUST

To me this seems like an over simplification, but I guess in the end emotions really aren't too heartfelt since the are determined by chemicals and the brain. Think with your heart/head is really think with your emotions/logic. But back to love... my fears and scepticism about love are something I need to get over, ropes are unraveling and telling me that much.

January went by so slowly. So. incredibly. slowly. I think it was a mix of a few things: missing some people, missing some people, missing some people... I'm not sure what it was really. Perhaps it was the fact that school really hadn't gotten too busy yet, but now here we are, ending off week 5 of semester four of university, what the fuck? 3 more days of class and then it is... ENGLAND for me! I can't wait! Few days in London, few days in Leeds, a night in Bristol, then back to London...first time in Europe, and paying for it all myself! The power of money, I tell you... I just wanna get rich so I can travel no strings attached. My parents weren't (and perhaps still aren't) down with me going, I mean they have perfectly legit reasons for not wanting me to go (except for my mum not wanting me to travel alone...curious since I've been doing that for the past 2 years or so).

Man, it is SCARY to me how much I've learned in the past year or so... really. I was talking about this with Vivian the other day but, you really HAVE NOT learnt anything until university, or perhaps living on your own. Just I don't' t know, concrete stuff, yes..but also in terms of "Wisdom", no i don't think I'm wise... but maybe my thinking is more... critical, complex, more breadthful (not a word i know). I don't know.

Anyway I should be going, living in granny time and going to bed or living in student time and finishing my anthro paper. Mehh.